FIRST...I ALMOST DIED!
LOOK! MY PAWS ARE STILL SHAKING!
HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED...
OKAY, SO, I WALK INTO THE PARLOR, (LIVING ROOM,) AND SEE THE BIG GUY SITTING ON THE DAVENPORT, (COUCH).
NOW, MOST DOGS WOULD SEE SOMEONE SITTING ON A COUCH, AS NOTHING MORE THAN SOMETHING ELSE TO LEAVE HAIR ALL OVER!
I WOULD NOT BE...ONE OF THOSE DOGS!
I SEE IT, AS ANOTHER OPPORTUNITY TO CONTINUE TO MAINTAIN BOTH MY STATUS AND POSITION AS THE ONLY, FAVORITE PET IN THE PALACE!
OKAY, SO HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED!
I WANT YOU TO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND PICTURE THIS...
NO WAIT! I HAVE PICTURES! OPEN YOUR EYE'S OPEN YOUR EYES!
I WALK INTO THE PARLOR..(BEING JUST ABOUT AS CUTE AS I CAN BE)...AND GO STAND RIGHT IN FRONT OF WHERE THE BIG GUY IS SITTING RIGHT? I LOOK UP AND GIVE HIM THE OLD "HOLD ME" AND WAIT FOR HIM TO LOOK DOWN AND PICK ME UP!
SO I'M WAITING...AND WAITING...AND WAITING....NOTHING!
I START THINKING OKAAAAY...MAYBE I'M CUTER SITTING LIKE THIS!
TO THE FLOOR..................NOTHING!
NOW, A LOT OF DOGS WOULD TAKE BEING IGNORED LIKE THAT AS A HINT TO GO LAY DOWN SOMEWHERE RIGHT?
NOT ME Y'ALL!
I JUST PUT MY FRONT PAWS AT THE TOP OF HIS KNEE CAPS LIKE THIS AND RAKE MY LITTLE TALON-LIKE TOE NAILS RIGHT DOWN HIS LEGS AND ACROSS THE TOPS OF BOTH BARE FEET WHILE CRYING LIKE A KITTEN WITH A BROKEN HEART!
WORKS LIKE A CHARM Y'ALL!
EVERY TIME!
AFTER A QUICK LAP-NAP, THE BIG GUY LOOKS DOWN AT ME AND SAYS, "DO YOU WANNA PLAY BALL DITZ? GO GET THE BALL! GO ON! GO GET YOUR BALL DITZY-WITZ!"
I'M GAME!
SO I JUMP DOWN TO GO GET MY FAVORITE RED BALL AND THERE IT IS... RIGHT WITHIN PERFECT STRIKING RANGE OF THAT NASTY LITTLE 4 LEGGED DIAMONDBACK WAITING FOR ME!
I IMMEDIATELY GO TO PLAN B... FIND ANOTHER BALL!
I HEAD OUTSIDE TO THE ROYAL COURTYARD AND START BARKING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS LIKE THERE'S A BULLDOZER PARKED ON MY SPINE UNTIL THE BIG GUY RUNS OUT TO SEE WHAT'S GOING ON.
WHEN HE COMES OVER TO WHERE I'M STANDING..I ROLL THE BALL TO HIM.
(I'M TEACHING HIM TO THROW THE BALL FOR ME WHENEVER I BRING ONE TO HIM).
SO HE PICKS UP THE BALL AND TOSSES WAY UP IN THE AIR...AND I GO FOR IT Y'ALL!
UNFORTUNATELY, IN MY HASTY ATTEMPT TO CATCH THE BALL IN MY TEETH, IT SEEMS I INADVERTENTLY OPENED MY MOUTH A LITTLE TOO WIDE AND SWALLOWED THE TENNIS BALL WHOLE!
WAS THAT A CLOSE CALL OR WHAT?
I GOTTA GO CHASE SQUIRRELS FOR A WHILE AND UNWIND A LITTLE...
SEE YOU NEXT TIME!
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