Diary of a dog named Ditzy: WELCOME BACK Y'ALL!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT KIND OF MEDICINE THESE PEOPLE KEEP SHOVING DOWN MY THROAT EVERY TIME I TURN AROUND...BUT I GOTTA TELL YA...

I'M SURE FEELING A WHOLE LOT BETTER NOW, THAN I WAS A FEW OF DAYS AGO, THAT'S FOR SURE!

AFTER A LOVELY DINNER LAST EVENING, I MET WITH MY SECURITY DETAIL AT THE BACK ENTRANCE TO THE PALACE TO DISCUSS...ODDLY ENOUGH, THE DETAILS OF MY SECURITY!
(IT'S REAL EASY TO DO FOLKS...JUST FOLLOW THE BOUNCING BALL Y'ALL...JUST FOLLOW THE BOUNCING BALL!"

SINCE WE RECORD.THESE HIGHLY SENSITIVE AND CLASSIFIED MEETINGS FOR TRAINING PURPOSES ANYWAY...WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHECK OUT LAST NIGHT'S MEETING?

WELL...IT'S DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU WANT...I'M GONNA PLAY THE TAPE ANYWAY...

" GO AHEAD AND ROLL THAT SECURITY TAPE CAMERA-MAN!"

IT WOULD SEEM, WE ARE EXPERIENCING A LITTLE GLITCH WITH BOTH OUR SOUND FEED AND THE PLAY BUTTON!

I'LL READ FROM THE TRANSCRIPT...

ME TO THE OTHERS: IS THAT TIKA I SEE OUT THERE ALL BY HERSELF?

MOLLY TO ME: NO YOUR HIGHNESS, TIKA IS IS IN THE MIDDLE OF HIGH LEVEL TALKS WITH DEE & THE BIG GUY, DISCUSSING MATTERS OF GREAT IMPORTANCE TO THE KINGDOM!

ME, BACK TO MOLLY: I DON'T CARE IF SHE'S IN THE MIDDLE DESIGNING A BALL, THAT DOG HAIR WON'T STICK TO! INTERRUPT HER MEETING AND BRING HER LOCATION UP ON THE SCREEN IMMEDIATELY! NOW CAMERA-MAN, NOW!

CAMERA MAN TO ME: RIGHT AWAY YOUR CUTENESS! HERE SHE IS NOW!

                          CAMERAMAN THINKING OUT LOUD TO HIMSELF"
   "OOPS!"

MOLLY: "IN TIKA'S DEFENSE YOUR HIGHNESS, WE ALL KNOW HOW TRULY EXHAUSTING THOSE MEETINGS CAN BE SHALL I WAKE HER WITH ONE OF MY SIGNATURE EAR-PIERCING BARKS MY PRINCESS?"

ME TO MOLLY: "THAT WON'T BE NECESSARY. WE WILL HANDLE THE DETAILS OF PALACE SECURITY WITH OUT HER!"

ME TO MERLIN: "HEY! PRETTY BOY! CAN WE FORGET ABOUT THE CAMERA FOR A SECOND! WHAT PART OF 'NO SQUIRRELS IN THE YARD ARE YOU NOT GETTING YOU OVER-STUFFED COTTON SWAB YOU?

MERLIN TO CAMERA MAN: "I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT YO! ZOOM IN A LITTLE CLOSER ON MY FACE"...

           "YEAH! THERE WE GO! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT!
   I'M FEELING IT NOW YO!"

ME TO MYSELF: SIGH!

ME TO MOLLY: "DON'T THINK I DIDN'T SEE YOU GOING POTTY ON MY SIDE OF THE YARD THIS MORNING! I PROMISE YOU...YOU WON'T GET AWAY WITH 'SQUAT!' AS LONG AS AROUND! (YOU MIGHT WANT TO KEEP THAT IN MIND THE NEXT TIME YOU DECIDE TO JUST 'STOP & DROP' WHEREVER YOU PLEASE!
OH, ONE MORE THING, I NEED MORE PICTURES OF YOU FOR MY BLOG. MEET ME IN THE PARLOR AT TWO...AND PERHAPS WE CAN PUT THIS WHOLE DREADFUL POTTY MESS 'BEHIND' US!

WE HAVE A PHOTO SHOOT AT TWO, DO NOT N!"

ME TO KACI: KACI! I DON'T CARE WHAT IT IS! IF IT WANDERS INTO THIS YARD...YOU KILL IT AND EAT IT! OR YOU CAN JUST SWALLOW IT WHOLE IF YOU IF WANT TOO, THAT WAY, YOU CAN AVOID HAVING TO BE COMBED OUT AGAIN LATER!

AS SOON AS THE SECURITY MEETING WAS OVER, I WENT BACK INTO THE PALACE AND WATCHED RE-RUNS OF PIT BULLS AND PAROLEE'S UNTIL I FELL ASLEEP!

THIS IS WHAT I LOOK LIKE WHEN PITT BULLS AND PAROLEE'S IS ON!

IT'S LIKE I CAN'T TAKE MY EYES OFF THE TV OR SOMETHING! !

ANYWAY...NEXT THING I KNOW...IT'S 7:19 IN THE MORNING AND BREAKFAST IS RUNNING 4 MINUTES LATER THAN I CARE EAT IT.

I QUICKLY SOUND THE ALARM...

AND MAKE SURE MERLIN IS IN PLACE IN THE KITCHEN, WITH HIS FIERY EYES AND EMPTY BOWL, FOR DEE OR THE BIG GUY TO NOTICE AS SOON AS THEY COME RUNNING DOWN THE STAIRS TO SEE WHAT ALL THE RACKET IS ABOUT!

WORKS EVERY TIME!

AFTER BREAKFAST, I WAS FORCED TO PLAY WITH TIKA FOR A WHILE...

I WANTED TO PLAY BALL BUT TIKA SAID SHE HAD A NEW GAME SHE LIKED TO PLAY EVEN MORE THAN BALL, CALLED 'PLAY DEAD!'

SHE SAID SINCE IT WAS HER GAME... SHE WOULD GET TO GO FIRST.