SHE WOULD EITHER STILL BE UNDER THE COUNTER WAITING FOR ME WITH A FORK AND AN APPETITE, OR, SHE COMPLETELY FORGOT WHY SHE WAS EVEN THERE, THE MINUTE I WALKED AWAY, AND WENT AND FELL ASLEEP SOMEWHERE! LET'S GO SEE!
WELL, LOOKEE THERE Y'ALL!
I WOKE HER UP, AND GOT HER ON HER FEET.
AND THEN TOLD HER TOLD FOLLOW ME INTO THE KITCHEN.
WHEN WE GOT TO THE KITCHEN...THIS IS WHAT I TOLD HER...
I SAID "LOOKEE HERE YOU CRAZY LITTLE DOG! I CANNOT ROAM THE HALLS OF THIS PALACE, CONSTANTLY WORRYING ABOUT YOU JUMPING OUT FROM BEHIND SOME DOOR SOMEWHERE, CARRYING A SALT AND PEPPER SHAKER AND WEARING A TABLE NAPKIN AROUND YOUR NECK! DO YOU FEEL ME LITTLE GIRL?
HERE'S THE DEAL ON EATING ME....YOU ONLY GET TO DO IT ONCE.
TWO BURPS AND ONE SHORT NAP LATER, I'M A QUICKLY FADING MEMORY AND GUESS WHO'S GETTING HUNGRY AGAIN?
IF YOU PROMISE NOT TO EVER TRY AND EAT ME AGAIN, I WILL TEACH YOU HOW TO INCREASE YOUR CURRENT TREAT INTAKE BY 22% PER DAY!
THAT'S A NICE INCREASE KACI. WE GOTTA DEAL OR WHAT?"
KACI QUICKLY AGREED...AND CLASS WAS IN SESSION!
"THERE ARE ONLY TWO KINDS OF DOGS IN THIS WORLD WHO GET MORE TREATS THAN ALL THE OTHER BREEDS COMBINED!
DO YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF DOGS THOSE ARE KACI?
CUTE DOGS KACI!
CUTE DOGS AND DOGS THAT DO CUTE STUFF!
ARE YOU A CUTE DOG KACI?
DO YOU DO CUTE STUFF!
STEP OVER HERE IN THE LIGHT AND LET ME GET A BETTER LOOK AT YOU!
HMMM... OKAY...OKAY.
WELL THE GOOD NEWS IS, YOU'RE NOT LIKE TOTALLY UN-CUTE?
OKAY.. NOW TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE RIGHT,
AND THEN BACK TO THE LEFT AGAIN...
LOOK AT ME!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I SAID, ONE TURN TO THE RIGHT AND THEN BACK TO THE LEFT!
YOU LOOK LIKE AND ANTEATER SWEEPING THE EARTH FOR LUNCH!
IF I CAN'T SEE HOW CUTE THE DOG IS?
YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS KACI?
YOU LACK EXPRESSION!......AND TABLE MANNERS
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT MAKES ME SO CUTE...AND ADORABLE, AND SNUGGLY.-WUGGLY...AND THEN MORE CUTE?
IT'S NOT THE PRETTY FACE GIRLFRIEND!
IT'S THE WORK I PUT INTO BEING HUMBLED BY A PRETTY FACE THAT MAKES ME
MORE CUTE! AND THERE'S ALWAYS MORE REWARDS FOR THAT!
REWARDS LIKE...OHHH, I DON'T KNOW..
MAYBE ANOTHER 'MONEY SHOT' FOR MY BLOG?
HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO DO KACI...
YOU NEED TO LEARN TO COMMUNICATE THROUGH FACIAL EXPRESSION!
WATCH THIS...
"HEY MOLLY? LET ME SEE YOUR BEST 'SHY GIRL'!
YOU SEE THAT KACI?
NOW, IF I WERE A HUMAN, I WOULD REWARD HER FOR THAT!
AND WHAT WOULD I REWARD HER WITH?
REMEMBER....CASH IS OUT!
(SHE HAS NO WALLET, OR POCKETS TO PUT A WALLET IN!)
I WOULD REWARD HER, MY VORACIOUS LITTLE VIPER....WITH A TREAT!
LET'S GO INTO THE PARLOR WHERE THE LIGHT IS BETTER AND TRY AGAIN. SHALL WE?
OKAY, I WANT YOU TO HOLD YOUR HEAD UP HIGH AND TURN TO THE RIGHT,
AWAY FROM THE CAMERA GUY...
LIKE THIS!
THEN, I WANT YOU TO TURN YOUR HEAD TO THE LEFT
LIKE THIS!
NOW YOU TRY IT!
HEAD UP HIGH! TURN TO THE RIGHT!
NOW TURN BACK TOWARDS THE CAMERA KACI!
(WELL. I'M NOT FEELING A PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT ANY TIME SOON,
BUT AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT I'M WORKING WITH HERE!)
CAN YOU DO ANY CUTE TRICKS ON DEMAND KACI?
(BESIDES DEVOUR FOOD LIKE A WOOD CHIPPER?
HEY MOLLY! HELP ME OUT HERE...
SHOW US YOUR TONSILS MOLLY!
AGAIN, IF I WAS A HUMAN, I WOULD REWARD HER WITH A TREAT FOR THAT!
CAN YOU DO STUFF LIKE THAT, AT THE DROP OF A BISCUIT KACI?
ARE YOU STARTING TO SEE WHERE I'M GOING WITH ALL THIS YET?
KACI?......KACI?
SIGH....IT'S A PROCESS Y'ALL...
WE'LL SEE YA NEXT TIME!
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