BEING TAKEN FOR A RIDE ALRIGHT...

TO 'START GETTING THE DOGS READY SOON,'

 WAS ABOUT AS BROAD OF A STATEMENT AS YOU CAN MAKE,

 IN FRONT OF A DOG, WHO IS AS FAMILIAR WITH THE HUMAN LANGUAGE AS I AM!

READY FOR WHAT? 

SURGERY? FLYING LESSONS? BREAKFAST?

I MEAN COME ON! 

HUMANS HAVE NO IDEA HOW TRAUMATIC IT CAN BE,

 FOR A DOG TO KNOW, IT'S ABOUT TO BE GOTTEN READY FOR SOMETHING...

BUT NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT'S ABOUT TO BE GOTTEN READY FOR?

IT CAN BE A VERY FRIGHTENING JOURNEY INTO THE UNKNOWN,
 FOR US POOCHES, YOU KNOW?

I ASKED MERLIN IN MY SCAREDEST LITTLE PUPPY VOICE...
"WHERE ARE WE GOING MERLIN? I'M FRIGHTENED!"

(AND THEN I TOPPED THAT OFF,
 WITH ONE OF MY SIGNATURE 'FRAIDY-DOG' LOOKS!)

MERLIN SAID,
"MAYBE THE BIG GUY WILL TELL WHOEVER HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH,
 WHAT WE WERE ALL GONNA BE GETTING READY FOR"
 HE THOUGHT WE SHOULD LISTEN IN ON THE BIG GUY'S CONVERSATION,
AND SEE IF THAT WOULD YIELD ANY CLUES!

I PERSONALLY, WAS APPALLED AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF PLAYING ANY PART,
 OF LISTENING IN ON THE BIG GUY'S CONVERSATION!
 WHAT A HORRIBLE INTRUSION INTO ONE'S CIVIL LIBERTIES!
WHAT A TERRIBLE VIOLATION OF ONES RIGHT TO PIRACY!
THE WHOLE THING FELT SO.....CONGRESSIONAL-ISH!

I WENT PORT-STARBOARD WITH THE EARS...

AND TOLD MERLIN...TO COUNT ME IN!

AND WHAT EXACTLY DID DEE MEAN, WHEN SHE SAID, GET THE DOG'S' READY?

WAS SHE TALKING ABOUT TWO OF US? THREE OF US? FOUR OF US?
THE WHOLE PACK!

IT'S 'NOT' KNOWING,,,THAT JUST DRIVES US ALL CRAZY!

KACI DIDN'T KNOW IF SHE WAS COMING...

 OR GOING!

MOLLY TRIED TO BARRICADE HERSELF IN HER KENNEL,
BUT TO NO AVAIL...

WHAT A DRAG!

AND TIKA?
TIKA WAS OUT ON THE BACK PORCH,
 TRYING TO HIDE BEHIND A FOUR INCH SQUARE POST!
 

SUDDENLY, WE HEARD THE BIG GUY SAY TO WHOEVER HE WAS TALKING TO..
"WELL, THREE OF THE DOGS HAVE APPOINTMENTS,
 SO WHY DON'T I GIVE YOU CALL WHEN WE GET BACK?."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I THOUGHT TO MYSELF!

"WHICH THREE!?
 APPOINTMENTS FOR WHAT?!
THE GROOMER? THE VET? 
THE GRIM REAPER!

.AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
STOP THE MADNESS! I BEG OF YOU!

IF THREE OF US HAVE APPOINTMENTS FOR WHO KNOWS WHAT...
WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR THE OTHER TWO?

I CHECKED MY BLOOD PRESSURE...2 BILLION OVER A MILLION!

I NEEDED ANSWERS, AND I NEEDED THEM NOW!

 I ALSO KNEW I EXACTLY...WHERE I COULD GET THEM TOO!

MOMMY! OHHHHH MOMMY!

I KNEW THE SECOND SHE LOOKED DOWN AT ME,
SHE WOULD EASE MY TROUBLED MIND..

"ARE YOU AND TIKA GONNA GO FOR A RIDE WITH ME AND DADDY,
 WHEN WE TAKE MERLIN, AND MOLLY AND KACI TO THE GROOMERS DITZY-WITZY?"

"I SURE AM, MOM....I SURE AM!"

MYSTERY SOLVED!
BRAIN OVERLOAD AVERTED!
RESUMING NORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE IN 3, 2, 1...
I'M GOOD Y'ALL!

I RAN OUT OF THE GARAGE TO GO FIND MERLIN, MOLLY AND KACI,
 AND GIVE THEM THE GOOD NEWS!

 I FOUND MERLIN FIRST!

"HEY MERLIN" I SAID,
"GUESS WHAT?
YOU MOLLY AND KACI ARE GOING TO THE DOGGY BAKERY FOR TREATS,
 WHILE ME AND TIKA GO GET ALL OUR TEETH PULLED!

 "REALLY?" MERLIN ASKED!

SO...DOES THAT MEAN I CAN HAVE ALL YOUR TREATS THEN?"

I SHOOK MY HEAD AND WENT TO LOOK FOR MOLLY!

OH BY THE WAY READERS...
 DO YOU REMEMBER ME TELLING YOU YESTERDAY, HOW MERLIN IS ALWAYS COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SALIVA STREAKS ON THE DOGGY DOOR?
YOU KNOW...THE STREAKS HE DENIES HAVING EVER LEFT ON ANY DOGGY DOOR?

WELL....IF IT PLEASES THE COURT Y'ALL,
THE PROSECUTION WOULD LIKE TO ENTER INTO EVIDENCE
EXHIBITS A-E AT THIS TIME!

EXHIBIT A!

  EXHIBIT B!

EXHIBIT C!

EXHIBIT D,

NOTE RE: EXHIBIT D,

EXHIBIT D SHOWS THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN THE SUSPECT DOG,
 NOTICES THE WIRING FOR THE CLOSED CIRCUIT TV CAMERA I INSTALLED,
AND FOLLOWS IT UP TO WHERE THE CAMERA HAS CAPTURED HIS EVERY MOVE!

I REST MY CASE!

I FOUND MOLLY HANGING OUT ON THE BACK PORCH AND GAVE HER THE GOOD NEWS!

YOU, MERLIN AND KACI ARE GOING TO THE DOG PARK TO PLAY,
 WHILE ME AND TIKA GO AND HAVE OUR DEW CLAWS REMOVED,
 WITHOUT ANESTHESIA OR ANYTHING!

SHE TRIED TO HIDE HER EXCITEMENT,
 BUT I KNEW SHE WAS THRILLED WITH THE IDEA OF GOING TO THE DOG PARK!

WHILE I WAS GIVING MOLLY THE GOOD NEWS,
 I LOOKED OVER AT TIKA, WHO WAS TELLING KACI THE GOOD NEWS,
DOWN AT THE OTHER END OF THE PORCH!

"HEY KACI!" I HEARD HER SAY...
  "YOU, AND MOLLY AND MERLIN ARE ALL GOING TO THE DOG FOOD FACTORY,
 FOR AN ALL YOU CAN EAT PUPPY PICNIC,
WHILE ME AND TIKA GO TO THE VET AND SPAYED AGAIN!

KACI LIT UP LIKE CHRISTMAS WHEN SHE HEARD FOOD FACTORY!

LOOK AT HER! SHE'S GLOWING WITH ANTICIPATION Y'ALL!

THE EXCITEMENT OF THE PACK WAS OFF THE LEASH Y'ALL!
THE ADRENALIN WAS FLOWING,
 HEARTS WERE RACING...
MOUTHS WERE WATERING...
 STOMACHS WERE GROWLING!
IT WAS CRAAAAAAZY!

ME AND TIKA THOUGHT THE OTHER THREE,
 WERE ABOUT TO LOSE THEIR EVER LOVIN MINDS Y'ALL!

WE WERE PRETTY EXCITED TOO!
AFTER ALL,
WE WERE THE ONES
WHO WERE REALLY IN FOR THE FUN FILLED AFTERNOON!

AND THEN...
RIGHT SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL THAT CHAOS AND MADNESS...
DEE COMES OUT INTO THE KITCHEN AND SAYS TO THE BIG GUY...

"YOU KNOW WHAT HON?
LET'S JUST TAKE MERLIN, MOLLY AND KACI...AND LEAVE DITZY AND TIKA HERE"
SIGH!
YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME..

.I NEED TO GO FIND A FAVORITE SHOE TO CHEW ON!
WE'LL CATCH YOU NEXT TIME FOLKS!