BEFORE LEAVING TO TAKE MOLLY, MERLIN AND KACI TO THE GROOMER,
DEE REACHED DOWN AND GAVE ME AND TIKA A LITTLE TREAT.
I LOOKED AT IT FOR A BRIEF MOMENT AND THOUGHT...
A TREAT! REALLY?
YOU CRUSH OUR HOPES, LIKE CRACKERS IN YOUR SOUP,
AND NOW YOU WANT TO TRY CONSOLE US WITH A TREAT!?
YOU BREAK MY INNOCENT LITTLE HEART...
AND THINK YOU CAN BEGIN THE HEALING PROCESS,
WITH A TREAT!
OKAY! I'M GOOD WITH THAT!
SORRY FOLKS...BUT THESE TREATS REALLY ARE THAT GOOD!
AND THAT'S BECAUSE THEY'RE MADE BY THE FINE FOLKS AT,
XXXXXX XXXXXX, INC.
WHO LOVE YOUR PETS...JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO!
I FINISHED MY TREAT TO THE SOUND OF THE GARAGE DOOR CLOSING,
AND DECIDED TO DO A LITTLE LIVE, REAL-TIME BLOGGING!
LOOK!
SEE!
IT'S ME!
RIGHT NOW!
IN REAL TIME!
BLOGGING!
NO...REALLY!
TIKA WAS SITTING DOWN ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO ME, STILL VERY UPSET OVER MISSING OUT ON THE CHANCE TO GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING FUN FOR A WHILE.
I TOLD HER TO QUIT WHINING AND GET OVER IT!
SHE SAID SHE WAS GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE JUST ANOTHER FAVORITE DOG, AND SAID SHE HAD JUST ABOUT HAD IT UP TO HER DOG COLLAR,
BEING LEFT AT HOME ALL THE TIME!
I FINISHED MY TREAT TO THE SOUND OF THE GARAGE DOOR CLOSING,
AND DECIDED TO DO A LITTLE LIVE, REAL-TIME BLOGGING!
LOOK!
SEE!
IT'S ME!
RIGHT NOW!
IN REAL TIME!
BLOGGING!
NO...REALLY!
TIKA WAS SITTING DOWN ON THE FLOOR NEXT TO ME, STILL VERY UPSET OVER MISSING OUT ON THE CHANCE TO GET OUT AND DO SOMETHING FUN FOR A WHILE.
I TOLD HER TO QUIT WHINING AND GET OVER IT!
SHE SAID SHE WAS GETTING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING TREATED LIKE JUST ANOTHER FAVORITE DOG, AND SAID SHE HAD JUST ABOUT HAD IT UP TO HER DOG COLLAR,
BEING LEFT AT HOME ALL THE TIME!
IT WAS 'SLOWING HER SOCIAL ROLL' SHE SAID.
SHE ALSO SAID, SHE WASN'T REAL HAPPY ABOUT FEELING LIKE NUMBER TWO LATELY!
OKAY...BAD CHOICE OF WORDS THERE...SECOND FAVORITE, LATELY!
AS THE NUMBER ONE FAVORITE....(THROUGHOUT THE LAND, I MIGHT ADD)...
II FELT IT WAS MY OBLIGATION TO TRY AND OFFER SOME SEMBLANCE OF SIBLING-LIKE COMFORT AND UNDERSTANDING, TO MY DEAR, DEAR SISTER,
AND MOST CHERISHED FRIEND, WHO HAS BEEN SO DEEPLY SADDENED,
BY THIS HEART-WRENCHING AND SUDDEN TURN OF EVENTS..
"WILL YOU SHUT UP FOR FIVE MINUTES SO I CAN BLOG!"
JUST AS I GOT TO THIS POINT IN TODAY'S BLOG..
I HEARD THE GARAGE DOOR BEGINNING TO OPEN....
I LOGGED OFF REAL QUI...
IT WAS DEE AND THE BIG GUY,
THEY WERE BACK FROM DROPPING OFF THE OTHERS AT THE GROOMER'S.
OR SHOULD I SAY...THE DOGGY BAKERY, PARK AND FOOD FACTORY!
"HEY MERLIN...POLLY WANNA CRACKER!
I'LL BET YOU DO BIG BOY!"
KACI'S PROBABLY SITTING IN A POOL OF TEARS AND DROOL RIGHT ABOUT NOW,
WONDERING HOW MUCH OF A DENT SHE WOULD HAVE PUT IN THE FACTORY'S INVENTORY WHEN IT WAS ALL SAID AND DONE.
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY....MOST OF IT ANYWAY!
AND MOLLY'S LITTLE TRIP AIN'T GONNA BE NO WALK IN THE PARK EITHER!
(SHE HATES THE GROOMERS!)
IT'S ALL GOOD Y'ALL! IT'S ALL GOOD.
WHY IF I DIDN'T PRANK THESE HOUNDS LIKE I DO...I SWEAR,
THEY'D THINK SOMETHING WAS WRONG!
DEE REACHED DOWN AND PICKED ME UP AND SAID...
"YOU GUYS WANNA GO FOR A RIDE IN THE CAR?"
SIGH...HUMANS....
TIKA AND I JUMPED INTO THE CAR AND AND SETTLED IN,
FOR WHATEVER THE DAY WOULD BRING!
IF THIS LITTLE GET-A-WAY WAS ANYTHING BUT A TRIP TO THE VET,
WE WAS FIXING TO HAVE US A GOOD TIME Y'ALL!
TIKA LIKES TO SIT IN THE BACK SEAT,
SO SHE CAN HANG OVER THE CENTER CONSOLE,
IN BETWEEN DEE AND THE BIG GUY AND TALK TO ME!
THAT'S RIGHT! TALK TO ME!
YOU KNOW THOSE WHISTLES YOU HUMANS HAVE THAT ONLY DOGS CAN HEAR?
WELL...WE HAVE CONVERSATIONS YOU CAN'T HEAR EITHER!
SHE ALSO LIKED TO LOOK OUT THE WINDOW TOO.
NOW ME,
I ALWAYS RIDE SHOTGUN ON THE PASSENGERS LAP!
I RECKON THAT'S FAIR, BEIN'S HOW I'M SO CUTE AND ALL!
NO ONE WOULD EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE ME,
IF I WERE IN THE BACK SEAT, LITTLE AS I AM AND ALL!
HERE'S A LITTLE USELESS TRIVIA TO CONSIDER AND FORGET...
WHAT ARE THE TOP 3 THINGS,
HUMAN BEINGS TOSS INTO THE BACK SEAT OF THEIR VEHICLES,
ON A REGULAR BASIS?
LUGGAGE... FOOD WRAPPERS...AND 3. THEIR 2ND FAVORITE DOG!
I'M JUST SAYIN...
TIKA LEANED OVER AND ASKED ME WHAT MY MOST ANNOYING HUMAN PEEVE WAS?
I HAD TO THINK ABOUT IT FOR A MINUTE...
THERE'S SO MANY!
I'M KIDDING! I'M KIDDING!
I'M KIDDING! I'M KIDDING!
I WOULD HAVE TO SAY... MY MOST ANNOYING HUMAN PEEVE,
WOULD BE WHAT I CALL...
'THE REPEAT OFFENDER'.
HERE'S THE SCENARIO...
A HUMAN ROLLS A BALL OVER WHERE YOU'RE SITTING,
AND WANTS YOU TO PICK IT UP AND RETURN IT TO THEM.
SIMPLE ENOUGH RIGHT?
I MEAN, COME ON, EVEN MONKEY'S LEARN BY REPETITION RIGHT?
ONLY TODAY...MAYBE YOU DON'T WANNA FETCH, CATCH AND RETCH.
SO YOU JUST SIT THERE...
AND THEN IT STARTS!
"GET THE BALL DITZ! BRING ME THE BALL DITZ! GET THE BALL DITZ!
COME ON DITZY GIRL! GET THE BALL! GET THE BALL DITZY-WITZ!"
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS "NOT RIGHT NOW! ANY BETTER THAN THIS Y'ALL!
RELUCTANTLY, YOU GET UP YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THE NEEDLE THAT'S STUCK ON THE RECORD, IS GONNA KEEP PLAYING THE SAME THING,
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...UNTIL YOU DO!
YOU LOOK UP AT THE HUMAN...
YOU LOOK DOWN AT THE BALL...
LOOK UP AT THE HUMAN AGAIN...
ROUND 2!
"GET THE BALL DITZY! GO ON! GET IT! GET THE BALL LITTLE GIRL!
BRING ME THE BALL! COME ON DITZY!
(WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW, IS THAT WE ALL HAVE LITTLE SIDE BETS WITH EACH OTHER AS TO HOW MANY TIMES I CAN GET HER TO REPEAT HERSELF!
SHE'S AT TWELVE RIGHT NOW,
SO IN ORDER FOR ME TO WIN...SHE HAS TO REPEAT HERSELF 82 MORE TIMES!
YOU LOOK DOWN AT THE BALL AGAIN!
AND THEN UP AT THE HUMAN AGAIN...
IN THE END... I PICK UP THE STUPID BALL...AND TAKE IT OUTSIDE!
GAME OVER Y'ALL!
I LEANED IN A LITTLE CLOSER, AND ASKED TIKA,
WHAT HER MOST ANNOYING HUMAN PEEVE WAS?
SHE LOOKED BACK UP AT ME AND SAID...THEY'RE HUMAN!
WE LAUGHED OVER THAT ONE...
AND THEN TURNED INTO THE DRIVEWAY AT HOME.
'THE REPEAT OFFENDER'.
HERE'S THE SCENARIO...
A HUMAN ROLLS A BALL OVER WHERE YOU'RE SITTING,
AND WANTS YOU TO PICK IT UP AND RETURN IT TO THEM.
SIMPLE ENOUGH RIGHT?
I MEAN, COME ON, EVEN MONKEY'S LEARN BY REPETITION RIGHT?
ONLY TODAY...MAYBE YOU DON'T WANNA FETCH, CATCH AND RETCH.
SO YOU JUST SIT THERE...
AND THEN IT STARTS!
"GET THE BALL DITZ! BRING ME THE BALL DITZ! GET THE BALL DITZ!
COME ON DITZY GIRL! GET THE BALL! GET THE BALL DITZY-WITZ!"
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS "NOT RIGHT NOW! ANY BETTER THAN THIS Y'ALL!
RELUCTANTLY, YOU GET UP YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW, THE NEEDLE THAT'S STUCK ON THE RECORD, IS GONNA KEEP PLAYING THE SAME THING,
OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN...UNTIL YOU DO!
YOU LOOK UP AT THE HUMAN...
YOU LOOK DOWN AT THE BALL...
LOOK UP AT THE HUMAN AGAIN...
ROUND 2!
"GET THE BALL DITZY! GO ON! GET IT! GET THE BALL LITTLE GIRL!
BRING ME THE BALL! COME ON DITZY!
(WHAT SHE DOESN'T KNOW, IS THAT WE ALL HAVE LITTLE SIDE BETS WITH EACH OTHER AS TO HOW MANY TIMES I CAN GET HER TO REPEAT HERSELF!
SHE'S AT TWELVE RIGHT NOW,
SO IN ORDER FOR ME TO WIN...SHE HAS TO REPEAT HERSELF 82 MORE TIMES!
YOU LOOK DOWN AT THE BALL AGAIN!
AND THEN UP AT THE HUMAN AGAIN...
IN THE END... I PICK UP THE STUPID BALL...AND TAKE IT OUTSIDE!
GAME OVER Y'ALL!
I LEANED IN A LITTLE CLOSER, AND ASKED TIKA,
WHAT HER MOST ANNOYING HUMAN PEEVE WAS?
SHE LOOKED BACK UP AT ME AND SAID...THEY'RE HUMAN!
WE LAUGHED OVER THAT ONE...
DEE AND THE BIG GUY DROPPED ME AND TIKA OFF AND THEN HEADED OUT TO GO PICK UP THE OTHERS FROM THE GROOMERS.
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...WE WERE ALL BACK HOME, SAFE AND SOUND!
I WAS ON MY WAY OUTSIDE TO GO HANG OUT IN THE YARD FOR LITTLE WHILE,
AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS WALKING BY MOLLY, SHE GAVE ME A SNIFF AND SAID...
"O.M.G! WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?
IS THAT YOU DITZ!?
WHAT A HORRIBLE ODOR!"
I TOLD HER SHE WAS CRAZY, IF SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME!
AND I TOLD HER IT WAS PROBABLY, THAT MUSTY OLD JACKET,
HANGING ON THE BACK OF THAT CHAIR THERE,
SHE SNIFFED THE JACKET REAL QUICK...
AND THEN SNIFFED ME AGAIN!
"IT AIN'T THE JACKET!" MOLLY SAID.
I SNIFFED THE AIR...AND DIDN'T SMELL ANYTHING!
.
IT COULDN'T BE ME! COULD IT?
I'M TOO CUTE TO STINK! AREN'T I?
MOLLY CALLED MERLIN OVER AND TOLD HIM TAKE A SNIFF OR TWO,
AND SEE WHAT HE THOUGHT...
AFTER JUST ONE LITTLE SNIFF,
MERLIN BOLTED OUT THE DOOR, GAGGING, AND HEAVING,
AND SCREAMING FOR FRESH AIR!
I WENT OUT TO THE BACK PORCH AND ASKED TIKA TO GIVE ME A SNIFF ME,
AND LET ME KNOW WHAT SHE THOUGHT?
SHE TOOK A LITTLE SNIFF...
AND THEN SAID SHE FELT LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO HURL!
THEN KACI CAME OVER AND GAVE ME A LITTLE WHIFF,
AND SHE STARTED RETCHING TOO!
THIS WAS TERRIBLE Y'ALL!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
WHAT EVER WAS I GONNA DO?
I WENT BACK INTO THE HOUSE TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP...
TIKA: "SO WHEN DO YOU WANNA TELL HER SHE JUST GOT PRANK'D?"
MOLLY: TELL HER?
DITZY'LL CATCH YOU NEXT TIME FOLKS!
TWENTY MINUTES LATER...WE WERE ALL BACK HOME, SAFE AND SOUND!
I WAS ON MY WAY OUTSIDE TO GO HANG OUT IN THE YARD FOR LITTLE WHILE,
AND RIGHT WHEN I WAS WALKING BY MOLLY, SHE GAVE ME A SNIFF AND SAID...
"O.M.G! WHAT IS THAT AWFUL SMELL?
IS THAT YOU DITZ!?
WHAT A HORRIBLE ODOR!"
I TOLD HER SHE WAS CRAZY, IF SHE THOUGHT IT WAS ME!
AND I TOLD HER IT WAS PROBABLY, THAT MUSTY OLD JACKET,
HANGING ON THE BACK OF THAT CHAIR THERE,
SHE SNIFFED THE JACKET REAL QUICK...
AND THEN SNIFFED ME AGAIN!
"IT AIN'T THE JACKET!" MOLLY SAID.
I SNIFFED THE AIR...AND DIDN'T SMELL ANYTHING!
IT COULDN'T BE ME! COULD IT?
I'M TOO CUTE TO STINK! AREN'T I?
MOLLY CALLED MERLIN OVER AND TOLD HIM TAKE A SNIFF OR TWO,
AND SEE WHAT HE THOUGHT...
AFTER JUST ONE LITTLE SNIFF,
MERLIN BOLTED OUT THE DOOR, GAGGING, AND HEAVING,
AND SCREAMING FOR FRESH AIR!
I WENT OUT TO THE BACK PORCH AND ASKED TIKA TO GIVE ME A SNIFF ME,
AND LET ME KNOW WHAT SHE THOUGHT?
SHE TOOK A LITTLE SNIFF...
AND THEN SAID SHE FELT LIKE SHE WAS ABOUT TO HURL!
THEN KACI CAME OVER AND GAVE ME A LITTLE WHIFF,
AND SHE STARTED RETCHING TOO!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO EMBARRASSED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!
WHAT EVER WAS I GONNA DO?
I WENT BACK INTO THE HOUSE TO CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP...
TIKA: "SO WHEN DO YOU WANNA TELL HER SHE JUST GOT PRANK'D?"
MOLLY: TELL HER?
DITZY'LL CATCH YOU NEXT TIME FOLKS!
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