FOOD FIGHT!

AFTER WOLFING DOWN WHAT TRULY WAS, A FINE, FINE SANDWICH INDEED,

MERLIN AND I HAD JUST STARTED TALKING ABOUT WHAT WE WERE GONNA DO FOR THE REST OF THE DAY, WHEN THE LUNCH SIGNAL BEGAN TO BLARE!

THE LUNCH SIGNAL IS PART OF THE CANINE CODE OF CUISINE AND ETHICS, 

WHICH REQUIRES ALL DOGS IN A MULTIPLE DOG DWELLING, 

TO SIGNAL ALL THE OTHER DOGS IN THE SAME DWELLING, 

WHENEVER HUMAN FOOD IS BEING PREPARED IN THE KITCHEN.

THIS ALLOWS EACH DOG, EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TO ENJOY EVEN THE SMALLEST MORSEL OF HUMAN FOOD THAT HITS THE FLOOR.

THAT'S WHY WE DO ALL THAT SNAPPING AND SNARLING AND FIGHTING WE DO,

 WHENEVER HUMAN FOOD IS IN THE MIX!

THIS TIME IT WAS TIKA SENDING OUT THE SIGNAL!

FIRST SHE BARKED TOWARDS THE DINING ROOM...

THEN SHE BARKED TOWARDS THE GARAGE!

THEN SHE GOT A LITTLE CLOSER, FOR VISUAL CONFIRMATION,

 THAT LUNCH WAS IN FACT... BEING PREPARED.

SHE CONTINUED TO SIGNAL...

KACI WAS THE FIRST TO ARRIVE ON THE SCENE...

(NO SURPRISE THERE RIGHT?)

THE SECOND SHE GET'S EVEN THE SLIGHTEST WHIFF OF HUMAN FOOD,

SHE'S GOES OVER BY THE STOVE,

 AND GOES INTO A TRANCE OR SOMETHING FOR A FEW SECONDS.

I THINK SHE IS MENTALLY PREPARING HERSELF FOR A FIGHT TO THE DEATH

OVER ANYTHING THAT LANDS.....WELL...ANYWHERE!

WE TAKE OUR HUMAN FOOD REAL SERIOUS AROUND HERE!

IF WE HEAR SO MUCH AS A MICROSCOPIC MORSEL OF FOOD,

 FALLING THROUGH THE AIR ON IT'S WAY TO THE FLOOR? 

IT'S ON Y'ALL!

HUMAN FOOD DOESN'T COME AROUND NEARLY OFTEN ENOUGH FOR US,

SO WHEN IT DOES...YOU CAN BELIEVE...IT'S ALWAYS WORTH THE FIGHT!

ALTHOUGH,

I WAS FOOLED BY A REALLY HOT BRUSSELS SPROUT ONCE!

THANK GOODNESS THE SEARING HEAT THAT WAS BURNING THE INSIDE OF MY ENTIRE MOUTH, WOUND UP BEING A PLEASANT DISTRACTION FROM THE TASTE OF THAT NASTY, NASTY, VERY NASTY THING!

ME, MERLIN AND MOLLY,

 FOLLOWED KACI BACK INTO THE KITCHEN FROM THE GARAGE,

 AND BEGAN TO ASSESS THE SITUATION.

IF DEE MADE HER LUNCH ON THIS SIDE OF THE ROOM,

 THE THREE OF US AT LEAST HAD A CHANCE,

IF SOMETHING GOT DROPPED ON THE FLOOR.

IF SHE MADE IT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ROOM,

 WHERE KACI AND THE STOVE WERE,

 IT WAS ALL OVER BUT THE SOUND OF KACI FLOSSING!

DANG! DEE WAS GOIN TO THE STOVE Y'ALL!

THE ONLY SHOT WE HAD AT ANY DROPPED FOOD WHEN KACI WAS PRESENT,

WAS TO EMPLOY A LITTLE TRICK WE CANINES CALL, THE 'UNDERFOOT!'

THE 'UNDERFOOT' WHEN USED PROPERLY, 

 ACTUALLY INCREASES THE LIKELIHOOD OF TASTY LIQUID SPILLS,

 AND FOOD DROPS BY MORE THAN 700%!

THE NUMBERS DON'T LIE FOLKS!

HERE'S HOW IT WORKS...

THE UNDERFOOT IS WHEN ALL THE DOGS IN THE HOUSE START FRANTICALLY BARKING THEIR HEADS OFF, WHILE CASUALLY HERDING THE COOK INTO A SMALLER, MORE CONTROLLABLE SPACE, AND THEN SLOWLY CHOKE OFF THE COOKS ABILITY TO MOVE ABOUT BY JUST GETTING AND STAYING...UNDER FOOT!

THE MORE 'IN THE WAY' YOU GET...

THE BETTER YOUR CHANCES ARE OF CAUSING THE KINDS OF TRIPS ,

 STUMBLES AND QUICK STOPS THAT CAN SEND FOOD OFF THE PLATE,

OR OVER THE LIP OF A BOWL, AND IN YOUR DIRECTION...

LIKE A GIFT FROM THE HEAVENS Y'ALL!

 A GOOD UNDER-FOOTER, STAYS THE COURSE...NEVER GETS STEPPED ON,

AND KNOWS HOW TO RATTLE THE HUMAN MIND...

 LIKE AN ANGRY DIAMONDBACKS TAIL SECTION!

THIS COULD BE IT FOLKS!

WAIT FOR IT....WAIT FOR IT!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...WE HAVE A WINNER!

THAT WAS BEST GRAIN OF SALT I EVER TASTED Y'ALL!

GO ON AND HAVE YERSELF A GREAT DAY NOW...AND WE'LL SEE YA NEXT TIME!