Diary of a dog named Ditzy: FOUL BALL Y'ALL!

SITTING AROUND WITH TIKA WATCHING THAT 'FLYTLESS' ANT WALKING IN CIRCLES, GOT OLD REALLY FAST...

IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS SHAPING UP TO BE A PRETTY NICE DAY OUTSIDE,

SO DOWN THE STAIRS I RAN...AND OUT THE DOOR I WENT!

MERLIN AND KACI WERE JUST HANGING OUT ON THE BACK PORCH, I GUESS?

AND MOLLY WAS JUST STANDING ON THE STEPS BELOW STARING OFF INTO SPACE, LIKE SHE WAS DAYDREAMING OR SOMETHING?

"HEY MOLLY!" I SAID.

"YOU OKAY?"

"I WANNA GO FOR A WAAAAAAAAAAAAAALK!"

SHE HOWLED AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

"FEEL BETTER NOW?" I ASKED

"YOU KNOW WHAT?" SHE SAID...

" ACTUALLY....I THINK I DO!"

I NUDGED THE TENNIS BALL DOWN THE STEPS, AND THEN RAN DOWN AFTER IT,

HOPING IT MIGHT ENTICE SOMEBODY INTO PLAYING WITH ME...

I PUT THE BALL ON THE NEXT STEP UP,
RIGHT WHERE MERLIN COULD SEE IT...AND SAID...

"HEY MERLIN!...

YOU WANNA PLAY BALL?"

HE LOOKED DOWN THE STAIRS,
AND WAS JUST ABOUT TO ANSWER ME,

WHEN KACI WALKED BY..

MERLIN LOOKED UP AT THE CAMERA-MAN AND EXCUSED HIMSELF FOR A MOMENT,

AND THEN GAVE KACI A BIG OLD SNIFF AND TOLD THE CAMERA-MAN....

"SOMETIMES...YOU JUST GOTTA STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES...

"AIN'T THAT RIGHT, MY PRETTY LITTLE FLOWER?" HE JOKED WITH KACI...

KACI STOPPED AND THOUGHT FOR A MOMENT...

"ONE DAY I WILL EAT THAT PIG FOR LUNCH!"
...SHE MUMBLED TO HERSELF.

I STOOD AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS STARING AT THE BALL,
LIKE I WAS TRYING TO SEE THE FUTURE IN IT.

I YELLED BACK UP TO MERLIN,

HEY MERLIN!" I SAID..."YOU GONNA PLAY OR WHAT?"

MERLIN CAME TO THE EDGE OF THE PORCH,
AND THEN LOOKED DOWN AT ME AND SAID...

"LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION THERE LITTLE DITZY DOODLE...
HOW MANY PHOTOGRAPHS HAVE YOU TAKEN, SINCE YOU STARTED YOUR BLOG,
ON JAN 1, 2014?"

I TOLD HIM I WASN'T SURE?
AND HE SAID...
"2,981,774,329,661,562,885,104,774,091 OF THEM!

AND OF THOSE 2,981,774,329,661,562,885,104,774,091 PICTURES,
THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN THUS FAR" HE CONTINUED...
"HOW MANY WOULD YOU GUESS SHOW ME, ANYWHERE NEAR A BALL?
THERE ARE NONE DITZ!
AND DO YOU KNOW WHY THERE ARE NONE DITZ?
BECAUSE...I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLAY BALL DITZ! THAT'S WHY!

SO I'M GONNA COME SIT DOWN ON THIS STEP HERE,

WHILE YOU TELL ME, HOW THIS WHOLE 'PLAYING BALL' THING WORKS...
AND THEN IF I THINK IT SOUNDS LIKE FUN...
I'LL COME DOWN AND PLAY BALL WITH YOU! OKAY?"

(WORKS FOR ME DITZY THOUGHT)...

MERLIN WAITED UNTIL DITZY WASN'T LOOKING AND THEN TURNED TO THE CAMERA GUY REAL QUICK AND WHISPERED..."WATCH THIS!"

DITZY PROCEEDED TO EXPLAIN TO MERLIN...THE ONLY TWO THINGS YOU REALLY NEED TO KNOW ABOUT PLAYING BALL!

1. HOW PLAYING BALL IS PLAYED!
AND 2...
HOW MUCH FUN PLAYING BALL, REALLY IS!

"OKAY MERLIN...HERE'S THE DEAL ON PLAYING BALL" I BEGAN...

"I WANT YOU TO PICK UP THE BALL IN YOUR TEETH AND THROW IT OVER THAT WAY OUT THERE ON THE GRASS AT THE END OF THE STAIRS...
AND THEN I'LL GO GET IT AND BRING IT BACK TO YOU,
SO YOU CAN THROW IT OVER THERE AGAIN!

"YOU BETTER SHOW ME HOW YOU THROW IT FIRST DITZY!" MERLIN SAID...

I JUMPED UP ON THE STEP AND SCOOPED UP THE BALL WITH MY FLIP-TOP JAWS,

I TURNED AROUND AND SET IT DOWN FOR A SECOND,
TO GET A BETTER GRIP ON IT....

AND HURLED IT ONTO THE GRASS AT THE END OF THE STAIRS!

"AND THEN WHAT?" MERLIN ASKED...

"WELL...THEN YOU GO GET IT AND BRING IT BACK!" I TOLD HIM.

"YOU BETTER SHOW ME HOW TO GO GET THE BALL TOO!" MERLIN SUGGESTED...

"IS GOING AND GETTING THE BALL THE FUN PART?" HE ASKED..
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW...
ALL I'M JUST SEEING, IS A RATHER LARGE GREEN, GRASS-COVERED,
DIRT-ENCRUSTED SPIT BALL TO GAG AND RETCH OVER RIGHT NOW"

I SCURRIED DOWN THE STEPS AND RAN OUT ONTO THE GRASS TO GET THE BALL!

I NO SOONER HAD THE BALL IN MY MOUTH WHEN MERLIN SAID...