PLAY BALL Y'ALL!

AFTER SITTING AROUND WAITING ON MOLLY FOR TWO DAYS,

 (THAT'S AN HOUR IN YOUR TIME),

I FLIPPED A 180,

                                   

                                 AND WENT BACK IN THE HOUSE FOR A WHILE.

            

                                                             

 

                                             I WAS BORED TO TEARS Y'ALL!

I WENT INTO THE GRAND PARLOR TO SEE IF BEING BORED THERE, 

WOULD BE DIFFERENT THAN BEING BORED HERE..IN THE KITCHEN,

AND JUMPED UP IN THE BIG RED CHAIR TO FIND OUT!

 YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT,

(I NEED TO HAVE A WORD WITH MY CAMERA-MAN)

"YOU NEED TO COME IN A LITTLE TIGHTER ON THESE SHOTS THERE SHUTTERBUG!

THIS PICTURE LOOKS LIKE IT WAS CAPTURED BY A PASSING SATELITE OR SOMETHING!

AND YOU DON'T NEED THAT MUCH LIGHT EITHER!

ARE YOU TRYING TO BLIND ME?

 OR GET A JUST GET ME TO CONFESS TO SOMETHING?"

  SORRY ABOUT THAT!

MY CAMERA-MAN SUFFERS FROM FREQUENT BOUTS OF DUH!

  

FOR WHATEVER REASON,

 I COULDN'T GET COMFORTABLE LONG ENOUGH TO EVEN FOCUS ON BEING BORED!

                                                           I SAT OVER HERE!

                                                           I SAT OVER HERE...

                                                            I SAT OVER HERE!

                                               I TRIED TO SLEEP OVER HERE!

             IT WAS DEFINITELY MORE BORING IN HERE...THAN  IT WAS OUT THERE!
                                                          

                                                      AND THEN IT HIT ME!

                                                    I'LL GO BACK OUT THERE!

                                                   

 SO, I WENT BACK OUT THERE!

I DECIDED TO GO FIND DEE AND DROP THE OLD, 'HOLD ME MOMMY'S' ON HER,

  AND SEE IF I CAN'T CATCH MYSELF A LITTLE LAP-NAP!

                           (Y'ALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW I WORK THIS THIS LOOK!)

      YOU WANT TO SEE HOW FAST THIS LOOK WORKS? 

WATCH THIS!

                   BLINK YOUR EYES AS FAST AS YOU CAN....READY? BLINK!

                                    

AND JUST LIKE THAT! HERE I AM!

                                                  

 (WORKS EVERY TIME Y'ALL!)

AT FIRST, I WAS OKAY UP ON DEE'S LAP,

BUT THEN ALL THE SUDDEN, FOR SOME REASON,

 I JUST COULD NOT GET COMFORTABLE!

                                      I STARTED FIDGETING THIS WAY!

                                                     AND FIDGETING THAT WAY...

                                                AND LOOKING DOWN THERE..

                                               AND LOOKING OVER THIS WAY...

                                         AND LOOKING DOWN THERE AGAIN...

     WHEN DEE PUT ME ON THE COUNTER NEAR THE LAP-TOP, 

I ACTED SCARED OF IT,

(SO SHE WOULDN'T NOTICE ME CHECKING OUT WHO SHE WAS I-M-ING!

 

                                  ALL THE SUDDEN....I WAS BACK ON THE FLOOR...

    I DIDN'T MIND!

 (NOW I HAD SOMETHING ELSE TO BLOG ABOUT!)

 FIRST, I WENT BACK TO THE PARLOR AND HUNTED DOWN THE TV CONTROL.

THEN, I JUMPED UP ON THE SOFA AND SAT DOWN NEXT TO THE BIG GUYS LAP-TOP.

THEN I WAITED UNTIL THE COAST WAS CLEAR AND OPENED UP THE LAPTOP!

THEN I CHECKED TO SEE IF THE COAST WAS STILL CLEAR.

 AND THEN, I JUMPED IN FRONT OF THE KEY-BOARD, REALLY, REALLY FAST,

AND THEN I LOGGED ON REALLY, REALLY FAST...

AND RIGHT WHEN  I HIT THE 'LOG ON' BUTTON, 

GUESS WHO JUMPS UP ON THE SOFA BESIDES ME AND SAYS...

"WANNA GO PLAY BALL DITZ?"

                                     WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA DO?

NOW ALL WE NEEDED WAS SOMEONE TO LET US OUT!

                                                              CATCH Y'ALL LATER!

ROOM AND BORED!

WHATEVER I HAD BEEN WATCHING ON TV MUST HAVE FAILED TO KEEP MY INTEREST AND PUT ME IN A COMA FOR A MINUTE OR TWO, 

BECAUSE WHEN I WOKE UP, IT WAS MID-AFTERNOON!

AT SOME POINT DURING MY NAP, DEE HAD SLIPPED INTO THE CHAIR BESIDE ME, 

TO WATCH OVER ME AND KEEP ME SAFE WHILE I SLEPT...

WHEN I LOOKED DOWN AT THE FLOOR THROUGH MY STILL SLEEPY EYES,

I UNDERSTOOD WHY!  

THERE WAS KACI!

 STARING UP AT ME LIKE SHE WAS JUSTA WAITIN FOR THE DINNER BELL,

 TO GET TO RINGING!

I REMINDED HER OF THE DEAL WE HAD MADE, WHEN SHE AGREED, 

NOT TO EAT ME. IN EXCHANGE FOR EXTRA KIBBLES & TREATS THROUGHOUT THE DAY, AND TOLD HER GO LAY HER CHUBBY LITTLE BUTT DOWN SOMEWHERE!

           (AS YOU CAN SEE BY THE PICTURE...I'M HOLDIN UP MY END OF THE DEAL!)

I LOOKED OVER TO MY RIGHT AND SAW TIKA DOING A LITTLE THING WE CALL,

'THE PAW-NAW!'

 I DIDN'T SEE MOLLY OR MERLIN,

SO I JUMPED OFF THE CHAIR TO GO SEE WHAT THEY WERE UP TO?

I PICKED UP MOLLY'S SCENT RIGHT AWAY AND TRACKED HER INTO THE DINING ROOM

I COULD TELL BY HER SMELL, SHE HAD BEEN HERE LESS THEN 7 MINUTES AGO!

                               SHE WAS SO CLOSE I COULD TASTE HER Y'ALL!

                        I LOOKED INTO THE KITCHEN... AND FOUND MERLIN.

           (HE WAS TALKING TO THE CABINETS WE KEEP THE DOG FOOD IN!)

 YOU KNOW THE TERM K-9? 

WELL...WHEN IT COMES TO MERLIN BEING LIKE A COMPLETE,

 AND 'ALL THERE' KIND OF PET? HE COMES UP A LITTLE SHORT! 

WE KIND OF THINK OF HIM MORE LIKE A K-4 KIND OF DOG...

  I PUT MY NOSE TO THE FLOOR AGAIN,

                                                                                                              
                    AND A SECOND LATER KNEW EXACTLY WHERE MOLLY WAS!

                               HER SCENT LED ME RIGHT TO THE BACK DOOR!

                              I LOOKED OUT THE WINDOW AND THERE SHE WAS!

I SAT DOWN AND STARED AT THE BACK DOOR, LIKE I WAS TRYING TO OPEN IT WITH MY MIND, HOPING DEE OR THE BIG GUY WOULD COME BY SOON AND LET ME OUT.

.

                                                               IT WORKED!

I WENT OUTSIDE AND DOWN THE STEPS,

TO SEE IF MAYBE MOLLY WANTED TO PLAY BALL FOR A WHILE?

 

                                  BUT BEFORE I HAD THE CHANCE TO ASK HER, 

SHE TOOK OFF LIKE A BOLT OF LIGHTENING,

 IN HOT PURSUIT OF THE AIR, AS FAR AS I COULD TELL!

"GOOD GIRL!" I SCREAMED TO HER..

."CHASE THAT AIR AWAY MOLLY! 

YOU CAN'T DO IT!

                           I'LL JUST WAIT HERE FOR YOU...UNTIL YOU CATCH IT!

                                        AND MAYBE THEN WE CAN PLAY BALL?

                                          IF YOU WANT TO? MAYBE? PLEASE?

                                                            AN HOUR LATER...

                    (IT'S NOT LOOKING REAL GOOD FOR THE SAD FACE GIRL)

YOU WOULD THINK SHE WOULD THROW ME A BONE ONCE IN A WHILE...RIGHT?

                                      I'M JUST SAYIN.. SEE YA NEXT TIME FRIENDS!

NOTHING TO SING ABOUT...

I CAUGHT UP WITH MERLIN A LITTLE WHILE LATER, AFTER HE HAD RETURNED FROM TAKING CARE OF A VERY 'PRESSING' MATTER...

(LIKE PRESSING HIS FACE INTO A PILLOW FOR A SNOOZE PRESSING)

HE WAS JUST WRAPPING UP HIS SHIFT ON UFO WATCH, 

SO I THOUGHT I'D GO SEE WHAT HE WAS DOING AFTER WORK. 

 

 I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN THAT TODAY IS THE DAY MOLLY HAS VOCAL LESSONS, UNTIL MERLIN JUST REMINDED ME.

  

WHEN THAT HAPPENS, WE ALL GET OUTSIDE AS FAST AS WE CAN!

IF SHE STARTS PRACTICING IN THE HOUSE, (WHICH IS A HUGE 'NO-NO, WITH SEVERE CONSEQUENCES ATTACHED TO IT!), WE WOULD ALL BE DEAF BEFORE WE COULD GET TO THE DOGGIE DOOR...AND THAT INCLUDES THE HUMANS TOO!

PUNISHMENT FOR THIS UNACCEPTABLE INFRINGEMENT IS SWIFT AND JUST!

INDOOR BARKING WILL SIMPLY NOT BE TOLERATED AT ANY TIME!

THE LAST TIME MOLLY STARTED PRACTICING IN THE HOUSE, SHE HAD TO LISTEN TO SOME OF THE SWEETEST REPEATED WARNINGS YOU HAVE EVER HEARD!

IT WAS HORRIBLE Y'ALL!

WARNINGS SO SOFT AND SEVERE, I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GAG ON THE SUGAR IN THE AIR!
 
"NO-NO PRETTY GIRL...NO BARKY-BARKY IN THE HOUSE PRETTY GIRL...GO OUTSIDE AND BARK MOLLY-MOLLY GIRL...NO,NO NO, MOLLY...YOU BE A GOOD GIRL MOLLY-GIRL...YOU GO OUTSIDE AND BARK PRETTY MOLLS...OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER...FEEL ME?

I THOUGHT DEE WAS GONNA MUSHY-MUSHY THAT POOR DOG TO DEATH FOLKS!

ANOTHER TIME SHE STARTED TO PRACTICE IN THE HOUSE, SHE WAS TAKEN OUTSIDE AND PLAYED WITH FOR TWENTY MINUTES, TO HELP BURN OFF EXTRA ENERGY!

I CAN'T BEGIN TO EVEN IMAGINE THE HORROR OF THAT KIND OF TRAUMA Y'ALL.

ANOTHER TIME THE BIG GUY SHUT HER UP WITH TREATS!
678,452,934, 226,780,483,633, OF THEM!

(MOLLY DIDN'T EAT AGAIN FOR TWO YEARS!)

(I THOUGHT THE BIG GUY WAS GONNA REWARD HER TO DEATH!)

I TOLD MERLIN, I WAS GONNA GO DO MY WORK-OUT, AND REMINDED HIM TO COME GET ME, IF MOLLY EVEN LOOKED LIKE SHE WAS THINKING ABOUT BARKING IN THE HOUSE!    

                                                    HE PROMISED HE WOULD.

I GENERALLY LIKE TO START OUT WITH SOME SOME FULL BODY

STRETCHES, LIKE THIS...

WHAT I DO IN THIS EXERCISE, IS FIND SOMETHING SOLID TO PUSH OFF OF,

LIKE A NEWLY PAINTED CABINET OR SOMETHING, AND THEN STAND ON MY TIPPY-TOES, WHILE ARCHING MY BACK TOWARDS THE NEWLY PAINTED CABINETS!

   AFTER A COUPLE OF THOSE, I PUSH OFF OF THE NEWLY PAINTED CABINETS AND REMAIN ON MY TIPPY-TOES,  FOR AS LONG AS I CAN, TO HELP BUILD LEG STRENGTH...

AT THE SAME TIME I'M BALANCING MY TOTAL BODY WEIGHT ON MY LITTLE CHICKEN WING ANKLES, I TURN MY HEAD TO THE RIGHT AND STRETCH MY NECK MUSCLES IN THAT SAME DIRECTION.

                                    

 THEN... I TURN MY HEAD BACK TO THE LEFT,
 AND STRETCH MY NECK MUSCLES IN THAT DIRECTION!

                                                            YOU GOT IT?

I'LL SHOW YOU ONE MORE TIME....READY?

UP!
ARCH BACK INWARD!
PUSH OFF CABINET.
 BALANCE ON TIPPY-TOES!

 HEAD TO RIGHT! 

                                                  

                                                    AND BACK TO THE LEFT

                                                     PUP-AROBICS! IT'S EASY!

                                                          LEGAL DISCLAIMER

THESE EXERCISES ARE NOT RECOMMENDED FOR HUMANS, FISH, CATS, OTHER DOGS, REPTILES, OR AMPHIBIANS!

  PUPPIES CONSIDERING THESE EXERCISES, SHOULD TALK WITH THERE VET BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO TRY THEM, TO MAKE SURE YOUR HEALTHY ENOUGH TO  DO CUTE STRETCHES!

MERLIN AND I BOTH HEARD THE FIRST PRACTICE BARK AT THE SAME TIME AND KNEW THERE WAS NO TIME TO WASTE!

"MERLIN!" I SAID..."YOU GO MAKE SURE KACI GETS OUT OKAY AND I'LL GO GET THE BIG GUY TO OPEN THE BACK DOOR!"

"HOW ARE YOU GONNA DO THAT?" MERLIN ASKED.

"I'LL USE MY 'PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME GO POTTY INSIDE DADDY' FACE!
NOW REMEMBER MERLIN... AS SOON YOU HEAR THAT BACK DOOR OPEN YOU TWO GET TO SAFETY AND I'LL MAKE SURE TIKA IS HOT ON MY HEELS AND WE'LL SEE YOU ON THE PORCH! NOW GO MERLIN! GO!

I FOUND THE BIG GUY SITTING AT THE COUNTER IN THE KITCHEN, 

SO I JUMPED UP ON HIM TO GET HIS ATTENTION. 

I GUESS HE THOUGHT I WANTED TO PLAY OR SOMETHING BECAUSE HE SURE WASN'T REACHING FOR ANY DOOR KNOBS THAT I COULD SEE!

I JUMPED BACK DOWN AND DROPPED 'THE FACE' ON HIM Y'ALL!

                                                              THIS ONE!

                                 I CALL IT THE AUTOMATIC DOOR OPENER!

A SPLIT SECOND LATER, MERLIN AND KACI HAD BOTH CLEARED THE DOGGIE DOOR,

 AND MADE IT TO THE SAFETY OF THE BACK PORCH!

                               I HAD TO WARN TIKA BEFORE IT WAS TO LATE!

I KNEW IF SHE WAS UPSTAIRS, THERE WOULDN'T BE ENOUGH TIME TO RUN UP AND GET US BOTH OUT WITH OUR HEARING IN TACT!

TIKA AND I HAD BEEN WORKING ON A SECRET PANIC BARK WE WOULD USE TO WARN THE OTHERS WHENEVER MOLLY WAS ABOUT TO START BARKING IN THE HOUSE. WE HADN'T HAD A CHANCE TO TRY IT YET, SO I CROSSED MY NAILS AND HOPED SHE REMEMBERED WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE!

                                                      I TOOK A STEP BACK,

    AND JUMPED AS HIGH AS I COULD INTO THE AIR AND SCREAMED UNTIL I WAS CROSS-EYED Y'ALL!

THEN I HEADED FOR THE BACK DOOR PRAYING TIKA WOULD BE HOT ON MY HEELS AND MAKE IT OUT IN TIME.

I KNEW KACI AND MERLIN HAD GOTTEN OUT OKAY,

 BUT I STILL DIDN'T SEE TIKA ANYWHERE!

                         SUDDENLY I TURNED AROUND AND THERE SHE WAS!

                                    SHE HAD MADE IT! WE HAD ALL...MADE IT!

MOLLY GOT OFF ANOTHER BARK OR TWO BEFORE THE BIG GUY SHOVED HER OUT THE  DOOR TO GO PRACTICE HER VOCAL MADNESS OUTSIDE. 

WE DIDN'T MIND MOLLY PRACTICING OUTSIDE IN THE OPEN AIR, 

(WHERE AT LEAST THE NOISE HAD A CHANCE TO ESCAPE!)

MOLLY LET OUT A COUPLE OF PRACTICE BARKS,

THEN A SUSTAINED HOWL ...OF SORTS.

AFTER THAT, SHE CLEARED HER THROAT,

 THEN JUMPED UP ON HER LITTLE PERCH AND BEGAN TO WAIL...

I MEAN HONE IN ON HER BARKING SKILLS THAT IS!

                                                       SHE BARKED THIS WAY,

                                                      AND THEN THAT WAY,

                                                 AND THEN HIT THE HIGH NOTES

                                                    AND THE LOW NOTES...

        AND BARKED HER LITTLE HEAD OFF FOR FOR THE NEXT HOUR AND A HALF!

(I SNUCK BACK IN THE HOUSE AND WATCHED TV.

 THE WHOLE TIME SHE WAS OUT THERE!)

                                         GOTTA GO Y'ALL! SEE YA NEXT TIME!